I Scanned The News Today, Oh Boy...

Speaking of which, today’s trippy tome features Eco-Friendly Porn (is that redundant?), A Trip to Venus, Art So Good You Gotta Lick It and Negotiating with Clients Made Easy!

Click on most (but not all) images to enlarge them and potentially reveal more stuff...

I don’t think it’s paranoia – I mean, I know everyone’s out to get me so I’m used to that – but lately I have been more addicted than usual to the news and keeping up with current events. Maybe it’s because my other means of keeping up with ‘world happenings’ has been via Facebook (one can only take so much CNN before one completely freaks out at hearing ‘you’re watching CNN’ every ten minutes!! Okay, James Earl Jones / Darth Vader, we get it already, aaaahhh!). But really, besides meeting neat people like a really cool imagist interested in illiteration (sic) and a having a great talk with a lovely romance novelist in the past weeks, this outlet hasn’t provided exactly a ton of thrills curiosity-wise.

Sure, in my spare time, I’ve been taking a lot of the surveys FB offers, but they’re rarely plausible it seems. Case in point: I took one the other day that says as a lover I am, quote, ‘A God/Goddess that is certain to always give his/her partner multiple ORGANISMS...’ Well, I don’t know about you, but I can’t imagine that argument ever working (‘hey baby, I’ll make sure you get more organisms than you’ve ever had before!’)(PS: ick!!!). It seems like much more of a papally decreed good argument for safe sex along the lines of ‘you make sure and be in New York and I’ll be in Tokyo, then we’ll get started.’

So anyway, I’ve been drudging my way through a lot of news and other reports lately. It’s actually kind of neat, because I really enjoy finding out more about the things that are reported, or more often than not, seem to be misleadingly reported.

And speaking of which, here are just a few examples:

It’s been ‘Fashion Week’ in New York the past days, which leads to some, um, intriguing views and photos in the press. Oh who am I kidding, fashion is just something I simply do not understand. I don’t think it’s an age thing as so much it’s a ‘I prefer clothes that are at least 10 years old and yes, you do have to consider which holes to put your limbs through getting dressed.’ And don’t forget the old sports jersey in case it’s chilly and the underwear that’s no longer even suitable for using as an old paint rag.

Seriously, one of these days I want to interview at length and face-to-face a true-dyed-in-the-wool fashionista or whatever the heck fashion designers like to call themselves. Sure, I get extremely cool golf pants that can be used as well to signal rescue teams or even be seen by space satellites, but this other stuff... I mean, do we expect to see these outfits on the streets soon? Is this what we’re supposed to be wearing in like 2012, as if it’s an auto company revealing the hot new sports car colors they foresee coming into vogue? Well, no thank you. Get those tiny little creatures to sashay out in an old Pink Floyd tee-shirt and some faded jeans, then I’ll stand up and clap.

And speaking of which, why is it that so many of the models for these shows apparently age so very poorly? I did see a recent photograph of one of the most lovely women I’ve ever seen – namely Isabella Rossellini – and she looks better and better the older she gets (note how I remain a gentleman and do not reveal her age [97]). Despite the often boyish haircuts she wears, I find she has such charm, such grace, with those thoughtful eyes and that playful smile. Hm, that’s so nice.

Let’s see what it said about her in the caption that accompanied this very photo: ‘...actress Isabella Rossellini applauds at a screening of ‘Green Porno 2’ in New York and that she...’ HELLO! Whatdidhejustsay?

Now, class settle down! No snickering or other gaspy noises, please! I, too, reacted somewhat with shock at this strange heading but then, as indicated, I did indeed do a little more research into the subject. And guess what, it’s something in fact for the whole family! Has that peaked your curiosity (or outrage or...) yet?

It seems in fact that Green Porno is in fact a critically acclaimed series of short films made by Ms. Rossellini along with the teams at the Sundance Channel that discusses the reproductive habits of insects, marine animals and more. It’s supposed to be extremely accurate from a scientific stand-point (I’m just going to take their word on some of these models) but it’s really fun. I watched a few of them and they’re really outstanding little shorts, no puns intended. (aside: I’ve got to ask The Great Paper Manipulator himself – Julien Vallée – if he was in any way involved with some of those, erm, statues seen here. Again, unless you’re a really cool and open-minded parent or similar type person, probably not for you!).

But getting back to women that age gracefully, can you imagine, I don’t know, someone like Demi Moore or whoever doing the ‘Whale’ sketch? Watch it yourself and tell me what you think (note: perhaps not everyone's tastes or suitable for all audiences ... but hey, it's just nature).

Okay, yes, now that you’ve watched it I know what you’re thinking: Cher would do it in a heartbeat! Fine, I’ll give you that (come on, she’ll do ANY-thing), but can you see, say, Meg Ryan or even Priscilla Presley (what in gods names were they thinking here?) doing this? Please... their lips would probably crack and fall off. Which might explain their Klingonian face jobs...

And speaking of which, I know that not all plastic surgeries go bad and it’s not nice to speak poorly of the recently deceased, BUT ISN’T THE FOLLOWING PICTURE THE WEIRDEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN ... EVER EVER EVER TO THE POWER OF INFINITY?

This picture was released by The Field Museum in Chicago a few days ago. It shows an Egyptian limestone statue, depicting an unidentified woman, carved during the New Kingdom Period, 1550 BC to 1050 BC. YAHOO! News (appropriately named somehow I've always thought) and other sites with even more eerie renditions of same go on to say that ‘the bust has been the focus of interest since the death of singer Michael Jackson as visitors double-take at the eerie similarities between the 3,000-year-old statue and the singer.’ Duh, ya’ think?

And speaking of which, namely women and all that kind of ‘stuff’ (oops, that’ll get me at least one night on the couch alone), did I miss the announcement about the fact that when a woman of the female persuasion becomes a mother she automatically qualifies for disability? And no, this is not another right-wing, drooling argument against President Obama’s health plan... not that I have an opinion about that, no, not me ... or an opinion about drooling right-wingers either, nonono...

It’s just that I found it more than a little odd that after Kim Cly.. Kim Cleist... Kim Cliiye... the Belgian woman won the US Open last night that everyone seems to be fixated on the fact that she is now, biologically speaking, a mother and if you want to get really technical, probably no longer a virgin either.

It just struck me that a lot of the comments were phrased along the lines of ‘coming back from the excruciating pain and horrible disfigurement brought about by becoming a mother, she was STILL able to triumph! What an inspiration...’

Okay, yes, I get the bit about child-birth feeling like you’re passing a Volkswagen Beetle through a straw (trust me, after standing beside my wife for two 24+ labor episodes, I’ve heard every description and I understand that, yes, it was indeed all MY fault), but come on, give the young lady a break! She played great and I think it’s terrific that she won. Plus, she kept her composure through a nightmare of an ending to her semi-final match (oh man, that is going to come out so bad, not just with Serena but I just think it’s going to lead to a race tension thing between Asians and African Americans, especially in New York). I mean, except for priests, do professionals in the limelight just not get to have lives outside their chosen jobs?

And speaking of giving a young lady a break, I feel so bad for the runner from South Africa that has had to go through this whole gender-testing nightmare. Folks, there are a lot worse things going on than someone who doesn’t know she has a potential defect or even deformity running in a race. I just think it’s terrible what she and her family now have to go through if as it seems that the tests will show that she SHOULD have been born a male with all the bits and bobs that entails, but through fate came out appearing to be a little girl. Sad and all I hope is that this is eventually handled with some dignity, though I doubt it will be. ‘Nuff said.

And speaking of amazing female athletes, does this sound like a fair fight to you: Dawn Fraser from Australia – who won a gold medal in swimming in 1960 – fought off an intruder who threatened to kill her during an apparent burglary attempt. No wait, there’s more – it appears that Ms. Fraser, age 72 (talk about ageing well!) kicked the young intruder in the groin with – wait there’s even more moreness – her Titanium knee.

Okay all the guys one time in unison: ouchkabibble! Wow, talk about Terminator-like precision in knowing how to hurt someone!! You go girl!!! ... noting that I’ll wave at you from the other side of the road in case you misinterpret what I’m saying or somehow do not comprehend that I only wanted to give you a high five for your bravery! (Extra Credit Question: wouldn't Titanium Knee be a cool name for a heavy metal band?)

And speaking of which, aren’t we glad that all the typography purists out there irritated by IKEA’s decision to change it’s use of the famed font Futura – which had been in use for some 50 years – didn’t have titanium kneecaps at their disposal (hopefully) in the past days. But alas, if you haven’t heard of this event that is apparently more important to some than world hunger, war and even the occasional rampant break-out of peace throughout the lands combined, IKEA has indeed switched now to Verdana, the font made famous by such free use sites as like... well, as like this blog.

Do I like the change myself? No, not really. Do I see a good reason for it? Well, again, if go through all those ‘free’ sites we all nowadays take for granted, all I know is that Verdana is one of the choices and Futura is not. Hey, you get what you pay for, again taking this blog as a prime example. If you want to, you can also research Microsoft’s comments about how the one (Verdana) is pixel oriented vs. the nicer pen and stroke version (Futura), but I tend to pass out when I read too much. I mostly just stick to headlines to satisfy my thirst for knowledge (which should be painfully apparent by this stage).

Still, if the font change makes you unhappy, then maybe you’re not exactly the kind of person that needs to buy furniture that is designed to dissolve in an eco-friendly way and collapse within 24 months of exposure to unwashed laundry, marijuana smoke and cardboard pizza boxes that will eventually begin to support said furniture in one fashion or another. Or so I hear... ahem.

And speaking of things that would be better if they were turned into pulp, here’s an event I would love to attend one time, even though I just don’t quite understand it, namely the La Tomatina festival that’s held every year in Bunol, Spain. Okay, despite the fact that the pictures eventually look like a scene from some really cheaply made horror movie, I’m just curious how they get an estimated 100 tons!!! of rotten and over-ripe tomatoes to throw at each other during this festival!

Call me a bit of a tree-hugger that has been at it long enough to develop a mild but persistent bark fungus on his arms, but are you seriously telling me that with all the hunger and all in the world, that somehow there’s that amount of tomatoes sitting around that has just happened to go bad just in time for this festival? Uh, hello, did someone just cough ‘unfair farm subsidy practices’ there in the back row? Yeah, that makes sense: paying farmers to let their crops rot, after all, gotta keep that tourist trade running smoothly...

And speaking of things that are just accompanied by odd, or let's say, poorly chosen photos, yes, I understand that Annie Liebowitz has recently been having a very public issue with her bankruptcy hearings and all, but couldn’t the news agencies have picked a slightly more, I don’t know, appropriate photo to go with the article? Yes, it’s recognizable but still for a bankruptcy discussion?

I just find too many arguments AGAINST using this image for me, including bad memories, the fact that it was taken on the last day of John’s life, plus the timing with the raised attention about the Beatles’ catalogue, and more. Maybe it’s just me and the time that his death occurred during my formative years. Whatever, huh?

And speaking of someone posing poorly for a photo, don’t you think this guy could have had a different expression on his face for this one? Seems this gentleman was being photographed on the occasion of his arraignment for – yes you’re reading this right – becoming annoyed with a crying 2-year-old girl at a Wal-Mart. Uh, hello, but isn’t a screaming infant part of the whole Wal-Mart experience? D’uh!!!

Still, apparently in order to make his annoyance VERY CLEAR to everyone, the article this comes from goes on to say that this obviously well-adjusted gentleman went on to slap the toddler several times in the face in order to, quote, ‘quiet it down’. Wow, but you know this picture can be used later by his defense attorney to help prove what a kind and loving soul he truly is and that somehow everyone misunderstood his tender intentions. Pillar of the community and all that. Geez-a-meez, dude get a case or two of Xanax and chill for a while...

And speaking of misplaced souls – and in the words of the great Dave Barry: I swear I am not making this up – it seems that the new ‘First Lady’ of Japan, Miyuki Hatoyama is not only known as a so-called lifestyle guru, a macrobiotics enthusiast, a cookbook author and a retired actress but she has claimed IN WRITING that she was abducted by aliens almost 20 years ago. And if that weren’t enough, she details that said aliens took her to Venus, which is apparently extremely beautiful and very green. No, she doesn’t say if the green is owing to vegetation, or to exotic Venutian gems and crystals, or lovely pools of boiling sulfuric and nitric acids frothing with methane gas, although that does sound nice.

The title of her book, which again I am not making up, is ‘Very Strange Things I’ve Encountered’ (though I’m guessing that is a rough English translation, since I couldn’t find this MUST READ on Amazon). In it she details the visit to our neighboring celestial body took place in spirit form, travelling on a triangular-shaped UFO, though I guess in her mind it wasn’t an UN-identified flying object but an IFO. Or a cheese sandwich, you never know with some people.

But wait fans of the surreal, there’s more! In addition, this multi-tasking lady also claims she met Tom Cruise in a previous life. Now what a lot of us don’t immediately realize about Tom is that he was apparently previously Japanese (explains the height challenged part of his 'physique' no?). Miyuki goes on to say that she is looking forward to making a movie with ol’ Cruisey which she ALREADY KNOWS she will win an Oscar for her performance! In fact, when she gets a chance to ‘catch up’ with Tommy Tomtom, she intends to say ‘Hi, it’s been a long time’, which he will understand (ooh, sounds a bit randy to me!).

But the ever-respectful Japanese public are taking all this in stride. Apparently the new Prime Minister is also somewhat of a ‘radical’ type in Japan, even being called 'eccentric' for his tendency to wear green suits instead of standard-issue navy blue ones and for not combing his hair (hm, must be an impostor in this photo featuring a Japanese man in a blue suit with well quaffed hair). Also since he married a divorced (gasp! how shocking) woman, he must carry this social stigma around as well. And yet, off he’ll go, proudly leading Japan to yet more years in the economic toilet. Seriously, can you imagine what would happen if any public figure in the USA had this on her résumé?

And speaking of which (sorry, this transition is WAY too easy, but still), did any of you see the title of a recent TIME Magazine article, namely: Why Michelle Obama’s Hair Matters. I kid you not. Note as well that this article offered more ‘related’ links to articles titled ‘Michelle Obama’s Style: What Her Fashion Statements Mean’ (I can just hear Glenn Beck’s answer to that one), ‘Michelle Obama and the SHORTS Heard ‘Round the World’ (gasp, you mean she wore shorts in Arizona in 100° weather? The nerve...) as well as ‘The Meaning of Michelle Obama’.

Seriously, you must read this article, if for nothing else to take a photo of ‘America the Weird’ (and the Home of the Depraved) as it stands today and store it in the Flickr album of your mind (note that we do NOT think these are the recent Andy Warhol prints that were stolen, but you never know). The article has one quote that will remain etched in my brain for a good while, namely : ‘her hair is the catalyst for a conversation that begins with style but quickly transcends outward appearance and ultimately transcends Michelle herself – a symbol for African-American women’s status in terms of beauty, acceptance and power.’

Wow, is it just me or have we someone lost the thread in all this? Or perhaps even the comfy knitted sweater of our collective sanity has completely unravelled? Maybe it goes back to the earlier diatribes about girl- and boy-stuff (add a night on the couch), but all I can think of is ‘where’s George Carlin when we really need him?’ WARNING: this link may be offensive to those of you that don’t regularly tolerate conversations with me and contains more F-bombs in it than a Serena Williams match.

And speaking of which, this is a link to an article that made me want to use all of those magical seven of the words you can never say on television. Sorry but it really irritated me, though I’m not entirely sure why. It’s just that through my blogging activities (loosely defined of course), I do feel I have developed if nothing else a rapport with and a sympathy for the daily plight of artists, designers and whatever else it is that a lot of you guys and gals do. So when I found this article titled Why Are Artists Poor I thought ‘aha, a valid discussion to read, absorb and to take with me during boys night out this Thursday...’

Yeah, right. You can go ahead and read it, but it gets pretty self-serving rather quickly. The author, Andrew Keen, starts off being pretty honest about what his real target is, namely getting you to go out and buy his book before it hits the discount bin at Barnes & Nobles : ‘Is the Internet good or bad news for high-end creative artists and cultural organizations? It’s bad news, I argued in my 2007 book Cult of the Amateur, a polemic which suggested that the Internet is killing our culture and undermining the livelihood of cultural producers. No, it’s good news, counter the techno-optimists ... who argue that the Internet offers creative artists and organizations an opportunity to escape from the sometimes unjust and inefficient control of industrial age mass-media.’ The article goes on (and on) to argue various viewpoints about protecting an artist’s rights and how public access is both a boon and a bane to everyone out there.

But ... oops, I mean – and speaking of which, I did find one thing that seems to be FRIGHTENINGLY ACCURATE in terms of many of the discussions I’ve had with the interviewee crowd. If you haven’t already, I’m sure a lot of you will get a kick (or a scream, or a good cry, or a good titanium knee to the groin) about this video titled ‘The Vendor Client Relationship – In Real World Situations'. Enjoy (or the other things I just mentioned):



And speaking of art (the stream is drying up folks, bear with me a few paragraphs more), I liked the title of this article and have decided I must get one of the shirts. Yes, friends, not since ‘I’m With Stupid’ came out some 40 years ago has a tee-shirt shared a more concise message, namely ‘Please Don’t Lick the Art’. The Minneapolis Institute of Arts is offering a tee-shirt with said message on it following a little girl’s recent visit to the museum.

Apparently, the young visitor was admiring this 17th-century portrait of some fancy pants French aristocrats wife and kid. It seems then that this so-called youngster was so moved and taken by the deep blue velvet dress worn in the portrait that she just had to enjoy it’s blueberry goodness even more than she could with her eyes. This led then to a very alert guard – trained in the art of hand-to-tongue combat – to point out: “Please don’t lick the art.” And as this did take place in America, there is now a tee-shirt on sale at the museum for $22.50 (though the museum is apparently falling asleep at the proverbial wheel of this marketing gold-mine, uh, truck as the image of same could not be found on-line).

We would also add that THANKFULLY the painting was unharmed, though various reports have indicated it will now be sent in for testing for signs of the H1N1 virus.

And speaking of tee-shirts: personally, Ziggy is going to first buy this tee-shirt which we think says it all in a nice motif and even has pink in it (which means we’ll have to get two, including one for the littlest she-devil in our lives)! According to the supply site, this shirt is recommended for anybody who is evil in your life, or better yet, anybody who is adorable, or, I guess, anybody who is adorably evil (no comment, I’m already banned to the couch for a fortnight). This tee-shirt is no doubt recognized by a plethora of our faithful readers as being the same worn by mad scientist Helen Narbon in Shaenon K. Garrity's very cool webcomic Narbonic. Excellent reading for all you scientifically minded folks out there... or fans of evil and rampant destruction (or both in my case).

Oh, yeah, I should also add that the shirt is made out of, quote, 100% Cotton - Hanes Beefy Tee (which we assume doesn’t mean a tee-shirt that is made out of beef... well, it could be true, a lot of stuff gets made in Japan...).

And speaking of which... see you next time!! Same batty channel, same batty place. Keep pushing! And don't forget your breathing...

Why even bother, we’re all doomed!!

click on any image to enlarge it to original size

It’s The End of The World As We Know It
Sob! I don’t know why I should even bother with this bi-weekly update, as I’ve just seen the news that Earth is doomed! Doomed, I say!! It seems that when measured against the grand scheme of things in terms of galactic timing, our demise is just around the corner.

In case you missed it, there was an article released the other day that indicated that there’s a very real possibility that Earth and Venus – yes, the same planet where women come from (note: this is NOT a bad driving joke) – are going to fly into each other in ONLY 3.5 billion years. If there wasn’t enough out there for us to be concerned about, it seems now there’s a newly identified force known as orbital chaos that, quote, may cause our Solar System to go haywire, leading to possible collision between Earth and Venus ... or even Mars.

The article goes on to say that it’s good news – GOOD NEWS – that the likelihood of such a smash-up is ONLY about one-in-2500. Ha! Get out your old notes from, say, four or five years ago and check the odds-makers’ input about an African-American becoming President and THEN see how you feel! I bet you lottery winners are also feeling just a tad uneasy as well, no? And if that isn’t enough, we also expect now our own Sun to only last another five billion years, after which, it will likely expand into a red giant, engulfing Earth and its other inner planets – Mercury (where puppies and some forms of frogs come from), Venus and Mars – in the process.

Well, as long as we are still alive, I’m glad to see that there seems to be a thriving business for artists depicting the end of our home-world, as we found all kinds of renditions of same. Oh, and if you’re the impatient type, then please check out this article titled ‘Top 10 Ways To Destroy Earth.’ However, I would point out though that in college, my friends and I tried three of these without – obviously – much success.

Then Again, Maybe We Deserve It
I know what everyone tells me and I can see it every day in the banner above my desk: ‘Don’t Let the Little Things Bother You’. But quite frankly having a planet smash into us isn’t such a bad thing if these types of things are allowed to continue:

First, there’s the now famous story about the Belgian girl who ‘accidentally’ had 56 – not 36, not 46, but 56!!! – stars tattooed on her face while she supposedly SLEPT through the procedure (here’s one of about 3.5 billion links to choose from in this case). Now the closest I can come to that from experience is having a mole burned off my face, but I can tell you, sleeping was not something that I was in danger of (passing out from screaming, yes, but sleeping? Nuh-uh). But apparently this young lady – pictured here – is suing the tattooist for a ‘mistake’ (well, duh) as she insists she only asked to have him tattoo 3 stars on her face (oh and that’s better how please?). She claims the tattoo dude made the mistake because he couldn’t speak EITHER French or English good enough to understand her (wouldn’t that be a sure warning sign NOT to go through with it? Hello?). On the other hand, the defense attorney for said inker claims she’s only reacting this way because of the outrage of her father and the fact that her boyfriend promptly dumped her. Gosh, I just can’t figure out those reactions AT ALL!

And if that wasn’t enough, even President Obama is finding himself sucked into the black hole of ridiculousness. It seems that ‘He-That-Many-Think-Can-Walk-On-Water’ swatted and mercilessly killed a fly the other night during an interview. He even toned in with a Clint Eastwood like catch-phrase of ‘That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker.’ (not as smooth as ‘Go Ahead – Make My Day’ but still the whole ‘President Can Kill With His Bare Hands’ says it all to me ...)

Well, it doesn’t end there. Now our dear friends at PETA – that is the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (again, students, that last word is pronounced ANN-EE-MULLS!!) have decided to put out a PROTEST STATEMENT against President O’s heartless and cruel actions. Even though a PETA spokes-weirdo said that even though they were pleased with Obama's voting record in the Senate on behalf of animal rights and noted that he has been outspoken against animal abuses, they added that ‘swatting a fly on TV indicates he's not perfect and we're happy to say that we wish he hadn't.’ (The Republicans have apparently refrained from chiming in as after all, killing small creatures is one of their main party platforms)[just kidding]{kind of}

Okay, so now I’m thinking of painting the roof of my house with a sign that says ‘large comets and/or wayward planets, strike here, please.’

This Is Just Really Funny
I thought some of you – especially those that have some teaching or other lecturing services under your belts – would like this blog article : Which Student are You?

Chuck Dillon from the Hussian School of Art in Philadelphia has put together about 20 different types of art students from his 10 years experience. Apparently stuff like this has been done before, but what the heck, this is still gold.

I picked out my favorite two shown here (just click on them to get the full sized graphics) including the one I think I would wish to be like and the one I probably would be like, if I had gone to art and/or design school. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which is which.

Yes, I Relate to Pictures of Small Things
This is just a shout out to my main micronaut, Martin Oeggerli, who not only delivers delectable details of tiny things on his web-site, www.micronaut.ch, but has also started delivering even more goodies via his own blog. Martin joins the growing number of artists and more who are getting their messages and works out there by as many media as they can (but if he starts ‘Tweeting’, I’m going to cancel his Fresh Ziggy subscription).

See http://www.oeggerli.blogspot.com/ for more! You’ll be very glad that you did, noting we’ve also either got to get one of those hoodies, or even better, make one of our own! Oh and by the way, these are NOT grapes (want to know more? Well, check out the blog! Man, you’d think some of you have 56 stars tattooed on your faces or something...)

It Was Nice To Finally 'Meet' You
As the title of this section says, it was indeed nice to finally meet the Raw-Edges team of Yael Mer and Shay Alkalay face-to-face at the recent ‘Design Miami (Basel) Show’ in the cool confines of the show that featured the so-called Designers of the Future.

I have to admit though it felt just like stopping by to say hello to old friends, as the 3 of us had after all spent a lot of time ‘together’ during our previous interview process (see here and/or there). But it was indeed very cool to see them and their wild ‘mountain’ instalment shown here, as well as to get to meet others who participated – including fellow Platform 10 alum and studio-space-sharer Peter Marigold (aaagh, I can’t get the palindromes out of my mind)[more later] and the very interesting and somewhat tall Tomáš Gabzdil Libertiny. How I missed though getting a picture of Yael and her wildly colorful socks, I’ll never know...

But all kidding aside, everybody had some cool stuff to display and just between you and me:
(a) I wouldn’t call them ‘Designers of the Future’ but instead ‘Designers of NOW’ and
(b) the rest of the show left me desperately wanting a LOT more (I had one gallery owner tell me ‘well, FURNITURE is what design is all about’ ... silly me...).

So their section was definitely my highlight for my shorter-than-expected visit (leave it to me to go to something as ‘safe’ as an art show and nearly break an ankle). But like I said, more later on this from ‘The Maestro’ at http://www.xymara.com/ and hopefully also here at Ziggy Nixon.

It’s Gotta Be The Pants
While we’re shouting out and about, we say ‘merci/thank you/danke’ and more who shared not only their interest but also found the humor and total fun present in Scott ‘Woody’ Woodworth and Loudmouth Golf’s offers to the fashion world that we reported on last time.

They continue to receive tons of funny and interesting press and we’re really please that things are working out all around. We’ve seen about 30 new pictures on line since our own research was completed, including another snazzy Sports Illustrated photo featuring golf pro John Daly.

But for some odd reason, all I can think about is that this would have been a great way to get all those slow- and non-moving stocks of weird dyes we had laying around moving out to the market! You know, those vibrant oranges, melted candy magentas or oil-slick purples that seemed to hang around the warehouses for years and years...

This Week Features the Motions, Musings and More of Julien Vallée
Wow, this week’s webisode was fun to put together, and not just because it’s our first foray into the world of video linkage.

Julien Vallée as you’ll see in a moment is a VERY TALENTED young designer from Montréal who has experience in more aspects of design than we’ll list here (again). Check out Julien’s sagely input and also the collected photos and videos. Enjoy... eh?

And if you don’t well all we can say is ‘What a bunch of hosers...’ (too dated? Sorry...) I know, I know: stop picking on Canadians, you may need them one day for asylum or cheap medicines or something...

Blog Header: Back in Black for the First Time
This week’s blog header may not be a Louvre worthy masterpiece (no comment) but it was a heck of a lot of fun to put together.

For this week’s exercise, I got the idea to start off with a black screen instead of with a white background. On top of this, I had been spending some time recently also looking at the works of Tim Burton – a very big influence on so many including the fellow who is releasing the movie Coraline in the next days (here at least) – so I had a lot of wacko ideas floating in the few cells of brain matter left to my usage.

Obviously then shapes and forms were added in white, including some other tricks to get some off-focus echo effects and more. It actually came out a lot better than I expected and it was really quite liberating in terms of expression! And for the oddest reason, this was almost a ‘single sitting’ piece of work because I found working in this way just somehow let me run with it. My bio-rhythms for creativity really seemed to be working well! Something to definitely explore in more detail in the coming months!

In addition, if you look closely this week’s art features some ‘typographical experimentation’ I was doodling around with, kind of harkening back to 7th grade social studies when we all drew what our future rock band names were going to be. Again, I think this came out kind of cool and I’m thinking of using some of the details for a business card I want to make. But somehow with stuff like this, I’m always scared that someone will write back and say, ‘Way to go nimrod, that’s the official font from Herr Schlappenstrudel of Schlappenstrudel Design’ or something to that effect. Oh well, is there anything original anymore when you think about it?


Okay faithful followers (and the rest of you tied up in the cellar of course), we’ll wrap up the Freshness for this week and let you get on with your lives... as short as they may be. Wait, what’s that large spot up in the sky... aaaahhh, run, it’s Venus... splat!!!! Sorry, false alarm... but I’m definitely going to put a dent in the liquor cabinet in the coming weeks, be a shame really to let it go to waste...

Design Neither Tasteless Nor For Turkeys

An interview with graphic and golf accessory designer Scott ‘Woody’ Woodworth

Part 1 of 2 (link to Part 2)

click on any picture to enlarge it to original size

There are – as the story goes – as many definitions of what design is intended to be as there are different types of designers out there, or objects to which designs are applied, or designs of things we intend to create. If one searches on the web for the answer to the question ‘What is the purpose of design’, there are just as many different answers as above, including the seemingly popular view that ‘the purpose of design is to improve life’. Well, yes, but define ‘improve’ please, especially the part about who’s life it does indeed improve and in what way. Even turning to the fount of modern knowledge for the common man, Wikipedia states that ‘To study the purpose of designs, beyond individual goals (e.g. marketing, technology, education, entertainment, hobbies), is to question ... controversial politics, morals, ethics and needs... (Furthermore) these philosophies for the "purpose of" designs are in contrast to philosophies for guiding design or methodology.’

Well, okay. But let’s turn our thoughts instead to the lighter side of design and accept as Ross Bleckner recently said that ‘something could be just beautiful and decorative ... and that’s fine!’ Couldn’t we also modify this slightly to read ‘something could just be fun ... and that’s fine, too’? Well, without sounding overly philosophical ourselves (read: pompous), that is indeed what Scott ‘Woody’ Woodworth has set out to do with his growing business endeavour, ‘Loudmouth Golf’. In terms of Woody’s designs and offers to the world of the ‘fashionista’, this wacky team of fun loving folks make it very clear that ‘Loudmouth puts the fun back into golf!’ And why is that? Well, again in their own words, because ‘men’s golf pants have turned to mud. Where did all the fun fashions go? We’re bringing them back single-handedly. Pants that go from the fairway to the party.’

So sure, when you see this blog, you may think ‘oh my stars and garters, that is NOT design’ ... but I’m guessing that many others are thinking ‘that would look totally cool as a font, texture or graphic back-up for this piece I’ve been working on.’ Or even: ‘that is so retro, it reminds me of all those wild styles from the Austin Powers movies’ (an inspiration of Woody’s, in fact). Or perhaps – dare we say it – you’re thinking, ‘how can I get a pair of these and how many places can I think of to wear them?’ Ziggy Nixon is therefore pleased to present our conversation with Woody as we trace his journey from type setter and graphic designer to what can only be called trend setter and designer of some pretty wild, graphical things indeed:

Woody, despite all the ‘hullabaloo’ about the pants, you are in fact a professional designer, correct?
Yes... well, now I am. I mean, I just started doing it for myself and it just turned into this venture into golf pants. But no, I am not a trained textile fabrics designer, if that’s what you mean. I’m actually a graphics designer by trade. To be specific, I am a typographer, which I’ve been doing for about 25 years, maybe even longer than that now.

What led you to design?
I guess it was just the fact that I was always doodling in class all through Junior and Senior High School that really led me to it. Also, my dad had this really cool handwriting and drawing style. He was a sort of architect and I just always thought that his printing and drafting style was pretty cool. Plus, I was interested in advertising. I read Confessions of an Advertising Man, by David Ogilvy, when I was younger, which was a big deal in the 60’s and 70’s. And I thought that was cool, too.

You apparently had a rather unique aspect in terms of your major, dealing with a word we perhaps have to define for everyone (heck, I had to look it up, too!)?
Yes, you mean semiotics. Gosh, where did you get all that stuff? Do you know where I live, too? (ZN: yes, and I would just like to point out that the right rear tail-light on your wife’s car needs to be replaced)
Semiotics besides it’s official definition is really the study of all communications beyond just the written and spoken word. If you break down the word in Latin, it comes from semi- which means half, and -otics, which is ear. So it involves any communications that can be carried out or interpreted with any of our senses.

My education was pretty interesting. It involved movie classes, and even quantitative satellite communication, you know, studying how airwaves go through the air. It involved a lot of English and linguistics, too. It all just seemed like a lot more fun than just reading and writing to me. Plus, with what I originally signed up for, I realized that once we started going beyond a certain level in math, you know, beyond differential equations and into heavy calculus and integrals, well, I couldn’t do it any more. I had to pick something different than that, and as such I went with a degree that was heavily weighted in English instead!

What did studying this ‘study of signs and symbols’ ultimately teach you about life, the universe, and everything?
Nothing. Other than it was easier to take another major so that I could drink more beer and have more fun with my friends! But I do appreciate proper use of English when I see it. (ZN: uh-oh)

What has been your career path leading you here? Are you still involved outside of the Loudmouth venture in the world of design?
Well, initially, when I got out to California, I went to work for a newspaper selling advertising space. Since it was a small operation, it was literally ‘all hands on deck’ when it was time to actually physically put the newspaper together. Everyone had to help with all aspects of the production. So I learned and grew experienced in how to run old typographic equipment – realizing that back then the machines were about as big as a Volkswagen Beetle. You couldn’t just sit there and look on a screen what you were doing like you can now. It was a lot more difficult and totally different than just typing in text and measuring what the pica-width of a column has to be.

But I had way more fun any way piecing something together with my hands. And I enjoyed using my eyes and lining things up a lot more than selling something. I mean, especially selling ad space, it’s like you’re really just... well, I don’t even think of it as selling, I guess, because you’re just selling air, like they say in the movie ‘City Slickers.’ Okay, yes you’re selling air when it’s for radio – but in newspapers it’s just as bad, because it’s like you’re selling blank pieces of paper. Ultimately, I had no desire to be a salesperson at all! I needed to make something.

In fact, I started using the newspaper’s equipment after hours, you know, doing some free-lance graphic design, which was a lot of fun. I still did sales for the newspaper, sure; but even if I sold or didn’t sell something to a store, I’d still ask them if they needed anything else, like a brochure, or a coupon, or something like business cards or whatever. Then I would do some designing for menus or flyers for, I don’t know, Chinese restaurants or whatever. And I had way more fun doing that than anything else.

Are you still involved with graphic design, for example, with the Ann Hill group, where you’re still listed as a member of their team? If so, how does this fit into your golf pants venture?
No, I’m not a part of that group any more. It’s funny that you ask, because the tipping point came just this last month basically (May, 2009). It was tough because they were so good to me for so many years. But I had to tell them that Loudmouth is now my full-time job because of the simple fact that I’m spending 10 to 12 hours a day at it, just trying to keep up with everything that has to be done and needs to be caught up with in terms of running a successful business.

Ann Hill was actually one of my biggest graphic design customers, in fact, the biggest. In terms of my service for Ann Hill: besides doing PR for companies she also asks them if they need brochures, or press packages, or advertising. This would often go hand-in-hand her promotions and so I did all the graphic design that spun off from her PR connections. Ironically, I actually hired them to do the PR for Loudmouth Golf, which was funny, because it was really Catch-22 there for a while: the better Loudmouth did, the worse of a graphic service provider I was for them. But now that’s finished.

To be honest, I like to think that they’ll have trouble replacing me, because I was a very good graphic designer. Don’t get me wrong: I wasn’t super, super creative but on the other hand, I wasn’t super, super egotistical either. I just did your standard ‘meat and potatoes’ variety design, you know, ‘nice’ work which was finished on time and for a good price. And in terms of my own work, I really only had 5 or 6 good-sized customers over a span of about 20 years. In all that time, I had never had to do any ‘cold calling’ and I just kept my businesses going very well. But even though I was still working as a free-lance graphic designer I was somehow able to put a roof over my family’s heads and raise my kids, which I think is not that easy to do in this field.

Looking more now at the pants or other accessories themselves: how did you ever conceive of such a notion?
I didn't! If you go back and look at any golfing photographs from Golf Digest or Sports Illustrated between the years 1968 and say 1974, you see the pants were already being worn by those guys! And I mean, that’s when golf was really fun! And the proverbial horrible plaid pants that everyone’s Uncle used to wear when he used to play golf in the early ‘70’s, well, everyone knows about that! That’s the joke!

I mean at that time, it wasn’t just the golf pants, it was also sometimes the design of carpet or wallpaper or even furniture; it was just the mod, psychedelic look of the time! You know those patch-work and other wild patterns. I mean, the great Johnny Miller wore striped pants all the time with turquoise colored belts, and that was the thing. Okay, it may not have lasted very long, but everyone remembers it. I mean even now whenever you see a cartoon in the New Yorker magazine or wherever that involves someone holding a golf club, just to make sure they create the right persona for the golfer, the cartoonist puts striped or plaid pants on them.

Where I’m going with all this is that later there came a time for me, you know, when I was finally earning enough money where I could afford to take an afternoon off here and there mid-week to go play golf with my buddies. And, well, I wanted to celebrate that. But just wearing khakis wasn’t, I don’t know, traditional or proverbial enough. I wanted to bring that iconic style back!

So I decided to make one pair of pants for myself. I went to the local fabric store – just picture it: there I was alone with about a six tiny, elderly ladies with their blue-hair and we were all perusing fabric aisles on a Tuesday morning. I found a powder blue fabric with pictures of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck and their Looney Tune cohorts all swinging at golf balls and riding a golf cart. I took this pattern and brought it to a local lady to sew up into pants. And then I went golfing.

It was amazing really, the reaction I got. I mean, people were coming up to me all day long. A lot were laughing at me and asking, ‘oh what did you do, did you lose a bet?’ Others were saying ‘oh those are great, where did you get those, they’re awesome!’ But it created so much attention – negative as well as positive, which was fine with me. I mean, I thought the more I could annoy someone with those pants, the better! So it was good on both sides! And as fate would have it, a lot of the guys came up to me and said they had to get a pair for themselves! And as such, I’d make these wild pants for them. Well, not me personally: I’d just pick out the fabric and send them off to a local seamstress to be made, then I’d mail the finished pants to the customers.

Was it difficult to find the ‘right’ patterns?
Yes, at first. What I’d do is I’d go into these fabric stores and I’d look at the folds. And I had a little note pad and I’d write down the company who made those fabrics. Then instead of paying retail, what I’d do is go call up the companies that had made the fabric and have them send a sales person to my house.

The fabric suppliers would send the same guy that serviced these fabric stores, which were basically selling to hobby quilt makers. And these guys would always show up with 3 suitcases full of patterns and give me their usual sales spiel. I’d maybe thumb through about 400 swatches of fabrics with different patterns and come up with 1 or 2 that looked sort of fun and that I thought could be worn on a golf course. And then, I’d buy a hundred yards and bring the fabric to Sacramento to be made into about 50 pairs of pants. When they were done, I’d put them up on my web-site and they’d sell in about a month. And then I’d have to go buy more fabric and make new pants because the sales were quite successful.

But a big problem was always that I’d go back to the companies and they’d say ‘sorry, we’re out of stock.’ You know, these big fabric companies change their styles quite often, especially if there’s not a lot of demand. That was really frustrating.

continued in Part 2

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All pictures and images used by written permission of Scott Woodworth and are the sole property of Loudmouth Golf or the professional persons illustrated. No further usage is allowed without written consent of Loudmouth Golf ... or you'll wind up sleeping with da turkeys, gobble gobble! (Keep reading to see just how real of a threat that is!)

Design Neither Tasteless Nor For Turkeys

An interview with graphic and golf accessory designer Scott ‘Woody’ Woodworth

Part 2 of 2 (link to Part 1)

click on any picture to enlarge it to original size

Do you design your own styles now?
You know, I was doing the whole search-and-buy thing for about 4 or 5 years. And even then I was getting quite a good following of customers. The business was running itself and I didn’t have to put any extra money into it.

But there were a couple of guys who would order pants like three years in a row, because they were doing some special member-guest tournament at their club. And they’d always want to have their foursome dressed in the same pair of pants because they thought it was fun and their attitude was ‘this is the way we like to play golf.’ And every time they’d call I’d have to say well, I don’t have that size anymore in that style or whatever ... and they’d get really frustrated. I mean, I didn’t put a lot on the shelf in terms of back stock because that locks up your cash flow. Plus it costs money just to store it and that was just money that I didn’t have.

However, these same guys finally called up and said literally, ‘hey DUDE: what is the problem here? You have a great idea but we can never get what we want or we can’t get more when we need to change sizes’ or whatever. Well, this group invited me down to San Francisco to play at their club and we discussed business through 18 holes of golf. They asked me all about what I’d been doing and what was holding me back from growing the business. And at the end, they said ‘this sounds real interesting. We know people that can fix all the problems that you’re having.’

I mean, I knew all the problems. I wasn’t afraid people to tell people ‘this is one difficult aspect and this is also another part that I’m having trouble with, plus here’s an issue’, etc. But these guys just went down the list and said ‘we can do this, we can do that, we know people in China that do that or whatever. We go visit Shanghai once every 3 months, we’ll go talk to some people there.’ And that’s exactly what they did: they found somebody that could take care of various needs and especially produce the smaller volumes I was dealing with at the time. That was in fact one of my biggest problems in terms of finding someone who would make as few as 500 pairs of pants. But they found me someone who could do that and very importantly, they invested some of their own money into the business.

And there I was all of a sudden, working on my own designs for the pants. I would have done that before, sure, but everyone – that is, the fabric suppliers – said I had to order a minimum of 3,000 yards to get a specific design printed. But I mean, 3,000 yards times 4 bucks a yard is 12,000 bucks for one fabric pattern! I just didn’t have that kind of free cash available!

But again, these guys invested in the business, you know, adding some of their own venture capital to get things rolling. And they said, ‘okay Woody, make 10 designs and we’re going to get the fabric printed and made into pants.’ And I was pretty scared! I thought, what if the designs are no good? I mean, these guys were willing to spend their own money on my ideas, so it was really nerve-wracking in a lot of ways.

Fortunately, though, things worked out very well! I made my first design, the pants did sell and I made enough money to get the next design going and so on. Now, we’re ordering thousands and thousands of pairs of pants and shorts per design. And we’ve got to get them here quickly because the orders are just pouring in, perhaps owing a lot to what is the John Daly effect, as you’ve no doubt seen from the press he’s received recently.

Yes, I see you’ve got a pretty high profile deal with him set up. How is that working?
John is of course a very popular golfer around the world and he’s been playing really well recently. He has been very good for us and he’s a great guy, too. We appreciate all he’s done for us because he’s just a super endorser. In fact, if you if you want to order our pants directly on-line, you can go to www.johndaly.com , he’s got everything set up ready to go!

I’m just curious though : do you think there’s a taste limit in terms of your designs for these pants?
This relates in some ways to kind of how we’ve re-shaped the business and how my own designing responsibility has grown. Even as recently as last September, when we would go deep into inventory, we were still only ordering a couple hundred pairs of pants or so of each design to make sure they ran and we could sell them all. But now, my partners are supporting me saying, ‘no, this is not how we’re going to do it anymore. You’re going to get ‘x’ thousand yards of a print made and we’re going to make, you know, so and so many thousand pairs of pants – because if Woody designs it, it’s going to sell’. And that’s great, even if it still makes me kind of nervous.

But how far is too far? Well, different people are going to have different opinions. It turns out that our solid colors, or even our most tame taupe-on-taupe striped patterns – both of which I would note were in fact made to get more mainstream buyers attracted to our business – are our WORST sellers. I mean, bottom of the barrel. On the other hand, our previous best sellers were the disco balls style and most recently it’s been the so-called ‘Woody’ style. So now I’m poking around thinking ‘Geez, I don’t know if we can go far enough!’ What I think though is that with this last design we may have pushed the sartorial boat a little too far from the dock ... but we figured: what the heck!

How about that Motley Crew of cohorts you’re doing business with now? How did this group come together? And honestly, just who is indeed the BEST golfer on the team?
They found me. These are the same guys I mentioned before that were frustrated because they couldn’t find what they wanted, when they wanted it. Again, when they saw that I was ‘local’ here in California, they decided just to call me up so they could get their wishes filled. So their support has been fantastic!

In terms of the best golfer, I can say this with conviction: it’s definitely NOT me! The best golfer is David Halldorson, but he’s a pro. My other two biggest partners, David Suzuki and Larry Jackson, well, they’re pretty evenly matched. On any given day, one can beat the other. Still, if you use the handicap system – and that’s what you’re supposed to do in golf in order that everyone can be competitive – I would point out that I STOMPED!!! Larry last week. Okay, granted, he was giving me four strikes a side but still...

But the bottom-line is that we have a lot of fun. We’re very irreverent (I don’t know if you can tell that or not). We are not serious at all, and I sometimes think we’re being successful here in spite of ourselves! But hey, we’re doing what we set out to do: have fun and maybe make some money while we were at it. And that’s exactly what it’s become: a venture that is VERY fun and that makes good money!

How has your promotion grown and changed since you would sometimes literally just show up at tournaments wearing the pants (changing even after nine holes) or even while attending press conferences?
I would have to say it’s been Larry that’s really pushed it and brought things around. He loves to try and meet celebrities and have fun. And when he does it, he sets out to just plain get it done! When he’s selling and promoting, well, he’s just on fire! I couldn’t handle one-tenth of the travelling and glad-handing that he does.

I think it was 2 years ago when the U.S. Open was in Pennsylvania – in Oakmont – the same course where Johnny Miller won in 1972. Larry had it in mind to go to the tournament and get Johnny – not only who is this great, legendary golfer, but also one of the most popular golf announcers around – to wear a pair of our pants. And gosh darn it if he didn’t do it!! Not only that but Johnny Miller and another announcer both wore them during the tournament. They even made jokes about them ON AIR, on one of the major channels which was broadcasting the tournament world-wide. And they went on and on for about 45 seconds! What fantastic publicity that was! Those are the type of things that you just can’t put a value on!

It’s like our partnership with John Daly now. It’s just how you get exposure and I still think it’s just amazing how it’s all come together.

Do you think this is just a fad or does the ‘Loudmouth’ style have real staying power?
It was a fad back in the early 70’s, just like the whole thing was. I think though when you bring back a fad – well, you’re not trying to re-make it as a fad. In this case we’re really trying to make it an on-going joke that will last forever. That’s what I’m thinking and so far, it seems to be working very well that way.

I think also that by stating who and what we are as well as what we’re aiming to do – that is, instead of just acting like we’re trying to come up with a cool style – well, that only helps! It really works I think to make it that this could be a joke that stays ‘fresh’ for a long time. As such, I think there’s always going to be guys who will want to wear these!

I want to play a little word game: first, what does the word ‘tacky’ mean to you?
Hm, tacky is negative ... unless it’s got a certain amount of quality and you know what you’re doing. It’s only tacky then because of tradition or history, not because of poor taste.

Okay, that’s good ... because my next word is ‘tasteless’!
I would hope that what we’re doing is just the opposite of tasteless. I think that the more sophisticated you can make something that is tasteless, the less tasteless it is.

Then there is just tasteless which is just base, where no creativity, quality, thought or sophistication goes into something at all. And that’s truly tasteless. But if you can make something that isn’t rude or immoral and where you put a lot of thought and creativity and quality and energy into it, it becomes – oh how should we put it – it becomes tastelessly fun.

I think innocent is perhaps a good word for what Loudmouth is doing. This is all just plain innocent, I mean what we’re doing is innocently fun.

Well, now that you’re an official fashion designer, where do you think golf pants ultimately fit into the wide world of fashion, design or even the on-going efforts to try signal for help while stranded on a deserted island?
I think what I’m doing is just putting amplification into a phenomenon that already exists. I don’t know if that answers your question enough or not. I mean, I actually think they look good. I think all I’ve done is tap into a hidden desire by a lot of guys that say, ‘hey, I don’t just have to wear khaki or denim or navy blue slacks when I go to play a round of golf.’

For me, it’s really about the fact that here’s a market where there wasn’t one before. And when you manage to force your way into a shop and get shelf-space, that’s when you’ve made it. And I think this may or may not do that. On one hand, guys may just think ‘well, that was fun, but I’m just going to put on my khakis again and wear those for the rest of my life.’ Or on the other hand, they may say, ‘the heck with it, why is that only women get to wear fun pants? I’m stuck here with my Tabasco shirt or my pink tie in terms of free expression? Well, the heck with that!’ I mean, let’s face it, there are only just a couple of places left on a guy’s body where he can wear something fun!

Is there any thing else exciting you’d like to tell us about Scott ‘Woody’ Woodworth?
I don’t know, after all, I’m a pretty tame guy. I mean, I don’t drink, I go to church, I pay attention to the Ten Commandments and all that. I’m really not all that exciting. I mean, if you want some juicy stories, go talk to Larry... [laughs] But I will say this about design: when I walk around or drive around, my eyes are always open, just paying attention and looking for something cool.

I’ll tell you a funny little story: we have a turkey in our little menagerie at home, as well as a goose, some chickens and lots of other animals. But this turkey, when I walk out my door with any of my Loudmouth pants on, just totally flips out and tries to attack me. I mean, he really goes after the pants as viscously as he can. If I have some other kind of ‘normal’ pants on, he doesn’t even pay attention to me at all.

I’m like that when I go around: my eyes are always on the look out and are naturally drawn to certain sorts of design (ZN: without attacking it, we hope). I mean, the designs for the pants don’t just pop out of my head. I’ll see something whether we’re out shopping or doing whatever. I mean, it’s like I notice all the type-faces on any given billboards and because I know what they are, I’ll call them out to my wife, which of course drives her crazy. But in terms of designing, I just notice stuff. And I’ll basically just ask myself: ‘hm, could those be pants?’

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In terms of his bio, Scott ‘Woody’ Woodworth graduated from Brown University and Rhode Island School of Design in 1982. Since that time, he’s managed to make a good living as a successful freelance graphic designer, which again, he has only just given up to follow the Loudmouth venture full-time. Still, if you’re curious, he was apparently among the first generation of Macintosh graphics program users. His first desktop publishing workstation was a Mac SE with a 20 MB hard drive and 4 MB of RAM and cost him about 8,000 dollars (ZN confirms this figure as he bought one at the same time to help write his thesis which subsequently tripled his student-debt).

Today, Loudmouth Golf is recognized as THE leading brand in fun golf apparel for men. Woody also would like to point out that it’s not only men who wear his fashions, but lady pro’s wear them, too. In addition, many celebrities are fond of the collection, including THE Alice Cooper (we're not worthy, we're not worthy!!) and even football legend Jim McMahon. Still, Woody would however like to confirm that other turkeys in the wild do not react the same way as the family pet does, which he has tested under live conditions (hoping in part to get some more free air time by being chased around the golf course at a recent LPGA tournament). He is, however, convinced that he should film the family turkey attacking him a la ‘Jackass’ (WARNING: this link is NSFW and many other places as well) and put the video up on YouTube. Ziggy Nixon predicts that he’ll sell several million pairs of pants immediately thereafter if he does.

And just to leave Woody with the feeling that Big Brother Blogger is indeed watching him, we would also note that he has played lead guitar since the 7th Grade for various bands including the DC-Tenz, Ersatz, and the Ducks (we are fairly sure this is NOT his real hair pictured here, but those pants are HAPPENING!). It’s been reported that his manual dexterity as a guitarist and his love of music have played an important part in his education and choice of his career education, noting his thesis was apparently based on the question, “Does one musical note by itself communicate, or, like language, do notes have to interact with other notes in order to convey meaning?” (Note: we did NOT ask for an answer to that question!) Despite all of this, he and wife – then a local tennis pro whom he met by trading off some printing work for tennis lessons (when reminded of this, Woody stated that he in fact believes he is still owed a couple of lessons!) – have two sons and a pretty interesting collection of animals, ranging according to one source from a rescued Vietnamese pot-bellied pig and chickens to dogs, cats and a guinea pig. And one psychotic, golf-pants-attacking turkey, lest we forget.

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All pictures and images used by written permission of Scott Woodworth and are the sole property of Loudmouth Golf or the professional persons illustrated. No further usage is allowed without written consent of Loudmouth Golf ... or you'll wind up sleeping with da turkeys, gobble gobble!